How would you…? July 31, 2008

I am a white American woman, who married a Brazilian man. Through our time together we’ve come across all sorts of reactions to us, and our relationship.

Growing up in my small-town school, I was taught all about the Wonders of America. Everything from the ‘melting pot’ of cultures that we are to the Civil Rights Movement. Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, the statue of liberty–all heroes or symbols of how our country values difference, values culture, values people’s worth. I remember being proud of my country for accepting all types of people from all types of places. It made sense to my seven-year-old mind that we were all worthwhile and should all be welcome. I thought it was great that our government could be so open-minded.

Then, twelve years later, I fell in love.

He was such a catch. Sweet and loyal from the very beginning. Godly, respectful, handsome, genuine, caring, and all the things I had on my list. I couldn’t wait to tell my family about him. My mother was happy to hear about my new beau. We were chatting about him after my first phone call from him and I said excitedly, “Oh, and he’s from Brazil! Isn’t that cool?”

An unexpected pause on the other end. Then the questions started. All the questions that I was to hear over and over again, from everyone who heard about his origin for the first time. “How well do you really know him? Are you sure that you will be safe with him? ” It struck me as an odd thing to ask, but maybe, I thought, it’s just a first boyfriend thing. Maybe this would pass, once everyone got used to him. Once they meet him, they’ll understand. But it got steadily worse. From not only my family and friends, but also from my church’s congregation. As we became more serious, so did the questions. “You do know what Brazil is like, don’t you?” “What if he wants to go home? Did you ever think of that? Brazil is a third world country.” “You don’t really know what’s going on in his hometown. He could have another family!” “How can you really trust him? You don’t speak his first language. How do you know what he’s really saying on the phone?” All stinging, unneeded, and unfeeling questions shot at me from different people. This and marked coldness toward him when I brought him to church with me. But the worst came from a trusted mentor:

“You shouldn’t be with him. He’s from a different country.”

My naive patriotism melted like butter dropped into an open fire. After all our social movements, after all our country has struggled through, and after all the Christian church has recited over and over again, ignorance still prevailed. What happened to love your neighbor as you love yourself?

I don’t post this to cast blame or cast a bad light on anyone individually, or on the church. I am writing to provoke you to think: How would you react?
Are you really against racism?